My friends are in love with marriage
My husband and I are at an age where many of our friends are becoming "grown ups." We have graduated college and people are starting to get married. We have 2 friends getting married next month and 2 others recently engaged, with no dates set yet. That's 4 couples, to be clear. My hubby and were talking about all our friends last night, after I bought my plane ticket to the September weddings, and we decided we are genuinly concerned for each of their futures. We have one other friend-couple who married a year before us. Neither ourselves nor that couple worry us. In both cases, we were dating for a few years and known each other longer. All of these couple are young and moving fast for bad reasons.
Couple number 1: P & H
P is probably the smartest, cutest, sweetest, most polite and charming guys I've ever met. He had 1 girlfriend in high school and none in college...too busy with school. He's a military man also. He went to Japan on a summer exchange trip through the military and fell in love with the country. He went back through school the following summer and stayed with a host family. He met one of their friends and fell in love with her. This was last summer. She is 9 years older than he. She is Korean. She is well educated. She is very sweet. She is not a citizen. They are getting married in 4 weeks. Everyone has been thinking the same thing, and you're thinking it too. She came into the country in April, for my wedding, and has stayed on a "fiancee visa." They had 6 months to get married after the visa was issued. My hubby has tried to take the better-friend route but trying to support his friend while everyone else was doubting the woman he loved. He's starting to doubt his position. He's thinking maybe the better friend would have warned his friend if he thinks he's making a mistake. We have no legitmate reason to question their relationship other than it just sounds sketchy. The other thing that concerns us about this couple is that she is in her early 30's and they have discussed poppin out a couple of kids in the near future. Only time will tell.
Couple #2: S & K
K is the friend here. She has been a friend of both dh and I for almost 5 years now. She was in my wedding. She is, once again, a military friend. She is marrying a military man. This guy, we all met together as a friend of a friend, on a New Years trip nearly 3 years ago. They did not start dating until last summer. They have never lived in the same city, ever. They will not be able to live in the same city for months still. They are in the same community in the military and if they are married the military will give them priority on assignments so they can be together. AKA, he probably won't have to Japan while she's training in Florida. So they are going to "go ahead and get married." They have been dating for just over a year and engaged since March. I'm afraid they just don't know each other as well as they think they do. They are marrying next month.
Couple #3: P & J
P was our friend first, nearly 5 years ago. Since he brought his girlfriend into our lives, she's become a friend too. With the other 2 couples, the significant other hasn't been in their lives long enough for us all to be friends! Both P and J were in our wedding. They are both military, but in different branches, which will make life together complicated. They have been dating around 2 years and aren't planning a wedding any time soon. J is a beautiful, sweet, cool "guys' girl" kind of girl. She enjoys havin a beer and watchin the game. She's in an environment with a lot of guys around and she attracts lots of them. He knows it too, and it makes him uneasy to say the least. It is quite obvious, to those of us who know him, that he thinks she's too good for him. She is going overseas for about 2 years with the military in a few months and he surprised her with popping the question for her birthday last month. I think he wanted to slip that ring on her finger before she's on the other side of the world. He is very insecure in their relationship and if doesn't hold up, I bet that will have something to do with it.
Couple #4: M & Z
This couple, in my opinion, has the worst shot of making it down the aisle. M is one of DH's best friends. Since our engagement, he has hopped on the bandwagon. He wants to get married and have a family so badly. He studied abroad and met a girl, who went to school with him in the same program. They started dating that summer and continued into the school year. By the end of the school year, he was looking forward to graduating and leaving her behind with an excuse to break up with her. He complained about her clinginess and constant need for affection. He graduated and broke up with her, but they "stayed friends." Yeah. right. Well, they really did. He left for his military training and got lonely. She went to visit him and they were back together. She visited him again a couple of months ago, and they were sitting around chatting. He said something to the effect that they should get married, ya know, kind of feeling out the water, I guess. Don't most couples discuss marriage before an acutal proposal? Apparently, she took that as a proposal and said "I'd love to marry you!" They don't even have a ring yet. Charming little story, isn't it?
I only want the best for the people I care about and so you can understand my concern. I'm afraid they are all rushing into this for bad reasons. I hope they will not be disappointed. I can only pray that God bless their unions, if they make it that far. I pray for wisdom and courage to do the right thing, even if it is painful or awkward. Sometimes, we get comfortable in our relationships and it's easier to stay in them than to confront demise. We are afraid of losing someone special, of not finding someone else, of being alone. Fear is not a good reason to get married. Another couple-friends of ours were supposed to be married several months ago. They had been together, off and on, for about 5 years. Through their relationship, however, both of them made changes in their life, one of which included a serious redevotion to religion, that changed the dynamic of their relationship. She was wise enough to realize that they were not the same couple they had started out to be, and had the courage to call off their wedding just days before the big day. Now, they may work through things, and they may not, but they did not get married because they thought they should, and for that I applaud them. I hope for everyone to be honest in all of their relationships .
Couple number 1: P & H
P is probably the smartest, cutest, sweetest, most polite and charming guys I've ever met. He had 1 girlfriend in high school and none in college...too busy with school. He's a military man also. He went to Japan on a summer exchange trip through the military and fell in love with the country. He went back through school the following summer and stayed with a host family. He met one of their friends and fell in love with her. This was last summer. She is 9 years older than he. She is Korean. She is well educated. She is very sweet. She is not a citizen. They are getting married in 4 weeks. Everyone has been thinking the same thing, and you're thinking it too. She came into the country in April, for my wedding, and has stayed on a "fiancee visa." They had 6 months to get married after the visa was issued. My hubby has tried to take the better-friend route but trying to support his friend while everyone else was doubting the woman he loved. He's starting to doubt his position. He's thinking maybe the better friend would have warned his friend if he thinks he's making a mistake. We have no legitmate reason to question their relationship other than it just sounds sketchy. The other thing that concerns us about this couple is that she is in her early 30's and they have discussed poppin out a couple of kids in the near future. Only time will tell.
Couple #2: S & K
K is the friend here. She has been a friend of both dh and I for almost 5 years now. She was in my wedding. She is, once again, a military friend. She is marrying a military man. This guy, we all met together as a friend of a friend, on a New Years trip nearly 3 years ago. They did not start dating until last summer. They have never lived in the same city, ever. They will not be able to live in the same city for months still. They are in the same community in the military and if they are married the military will give them priority on assignments so they can be together. AKA, he probably won't have to Japan while she's training in Florida. So they are going to "go ahead and get married." They have been dating for just over a year and engaged since March. I'm afraid they just don't know each other as well as they think they do. They are marrying next month.
Couple #3: P & J
P was our friend first, nearly 5 years ago. Since he brought his girlfriend into our lives, she's become a friend too. With the other 2 couples, the significant other hasn't been in their lives long enough for us all to be friends! Both P and J were in our wedding. They are both military, but in different branches, which will make life together complicated. They have been dating around 2 years and aren't planning a wedding any time soon. J is a beautiful, sweet, cool "guys' girl" kind of girl. She enjoys havin a beer and watchin the game. She's in an environment with a lot of guys around and she attracts lots of them. He knows it too, and it makes him uneasy to say the least. It is quite obvious, to those of us who know him, that he thinks she's too good for him. She is going overseas for about 2 years with the military in a few months and he surprised her with popping the question for her birthday last month. I think he wanted to slip that ring on her finger before she's on the other side of the world. He is very insecure in their relationship and if doesn't hold up, I bet that will have something to do with it.
Couple #4: M & Z
This couple, in my opinion, has the worst shot of making it down the aisle. M is one of DH's best friends. Since our engagement, he has hopped on the bandwagon. He wants to get married and have a family so badly. He studied abroad and met a girl, who went to school with him in the same program. They started dating that summer and continued into the school year. By the end of the school year, he was looking forward to graduating and leaving her behind with an excuse to break up with her. He complained about her clinginess and constant need for affection. He graduated and broke up with her, but they "stayed friends." Yeah. right. Well, they really did. He left for his military training and got lonely. She went to visit him and they were back together. She visited him again a couple of months ago, and they were sitting around chatting. He said something to the effect that they should get married, ya know, kind of feeling out the water, I guess. Don't most couples discuss marriage before an acutal proposal? Apparently, she took that as a proposal and said "I'd love to marry you!" They don't even have a ring yet. Charming little story, isn't it?
I only want the best for the people I care about and so you can understand my concern. I'm afraid they are all rushing into this for bad reasons. I hope they will not be disappointed. I can only pray that God bless their unions, if they make it that far. I pray for wisdom and courage to do the right thing, even if it is painful or awkward. Sometimes, we get comfortable in our relationships and it's easier to stay in them than to confront demise. We are afraid of losing someone special, of not finding someone else, of being alone. Fear is not a good reason to get married. Another couple-friends of ours were supposed to be married several months ago. They had been together, off and on, for about 5 years. Through their relationship, however, both of them made changes in their life, one of which included a serious redevotion to religion, that changed the dynamic of their relationship. She was wise enough to realize that they were not the same couple they had started out to be, and had the courage to call off their wedding just days before the big day. Now, they may work through things, and they may not, but they did not get married because they thought they should, and for that I applaud them. I hope for everyone to be honest in all of their relationships .
posted by BekABoo | 1:05 AM
2 Comments:
hi bek - good thoughts here. i know the pain of seeing friends walk into relationships that you are concerned about. there have been some times the Lord has led me to say something. other times not. and a couple times, i've spoken warning words the Lord has given me and the friend hasn't listened. that is hard. you sounds like a friend who cares and keeps your friends in prayer. that is awesome - keep it up. anyway, just dropping in to say hi. i have been checking your mom's blog now for months and love her! God bless - rebekah
ps - on the otherhand, i only dated my husband 4 months before he proposed. it was so God, there was no stopping it. :) then 8 months later we were married. SO HAPPY, 3 years later. but it has to be a God-thing.
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